Reflections

I sit here in North Hollywood, California. I have been bountifully blessed to have enjoyed solid biblical teaching, teaching that explains the Word of God, for three days. I am anticipating two more excellent sermons tomorrow. I cannot express the depth of gratitude to my Lord for how He has provided for me this week. From the beginning of the trip until the end I find myself drowning in God's Grace. I am eternally thankful to Him and to all of those whom He uses to make this trip possible! I am not able to communicate the profound gratitude filling my soul.

While my extreme thankfulness is heavy on my heart, there is something else that continues to haunt my thoughts. While listening to a session on how a pastor should prepare his heart for studying a sermon, the Lord was again faithful to convict me of feeble, bland, sterile affections for Him. I remember the first three months of 2007 quite vividly. The Lord blessed me with inexplicable joy for over three months! It was indescribable! It is as if I were more concerned with the joy given than the Joy-Giver. Looking back on those wonderful months, the results were obvious. People saw Christ overflowing from my heart. I wonder where the joy is now.

Don't get me wrong, life is a continual blessing. I see the Lord's hand in every facet of my being. Yet, I am not satisfied that I know Him as He commands. During this particular session, the Lord used His Sword to cut deep into the center of my heart, revealing the selfishness, jealousy, and odiously revolting sin that daily barrages my heart. It is encamped outside my heart's walls, daily waging war against me to capture and enslave me. Praise God that He has purchased me from the slave market, enlisting me to obey Him, fighting for His glory. While His truths are reassuring, I cannot escape the knowledge that my Master and Lord has much more waiting for me. He is pleading for me to know Him, sometimes gently and other times tenaciously.

I have recently been taught about the importance of continually filling my mind with things that focus my thinking on Christ. As I fill the reservoir of my mind with thoughts of His glorious majesty, the overflow of my life will be the life-giving water He supplies. I will be a vessel made for His glory!

Yet that reservoir is so suspicious. It shimmers in the sunlight, reflecting the clear blue skies and brilliant sun of a perfect day! As I look through that reflection I notice some scary things. Sin still contaminates the depths of that reservoir. A slimy muck seems to line the entire floor. Some areas even seem overgrown with weeds. It is not a reservoir from which I would want to drink. I cannot understand why the Lord would waste time on it. He has worked so long to teach me how to care for this reservoir and yet this is how I care for it.

Praise God for His love, mercy, and grace! Praise God for His Son who bore the wrath for my sin and gave me His righteousness in return. Someday that reservoir will reflect Him. The sooner the better.